My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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