She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
