Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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