I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
