After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
