Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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