hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
