I hate your face
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
