I'd wear matching sweaters with you
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
