Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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