I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
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dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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