i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
