Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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