I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
