i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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