You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
