So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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