Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
COCAINE IS GR8
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
