In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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