Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
