toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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