i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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