Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
