I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
