is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
