but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
