..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
