Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize