all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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