you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
