my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
