How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
