reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
