drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
