i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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