i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
