Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
