I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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