i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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