My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
