I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.