He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
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in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively