I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
