Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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