his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
