look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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