She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
