mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When did angry sex become our thing?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Randomize
