Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
