Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
