I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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