I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
