i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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