Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
