I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
