You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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