Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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