and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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