It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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