well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
